Time Enough?

Perhaps because of my recent confrontation with the possible end of my life, I have become increasingly obsessive about the choices I make in how I spend my time.  I am not saying that I make good choices.  I just think a lot about the choices I make and whether I could have spent that time better.

When I look at the time budget of my days, I spend most of my time during the week at work. I do not mind that, although there are some types of use of time at my job that I resent, such as reviewing documents and answering interrogatories at this point in my career.  Most of the time, however, I find my job interesting and engaging.

Much of my leisure time these days is spent on the internet,  largely reading articles but also checking Facebook and LinkedIn to see what people are up to.  I also have a secret vice that is getting a bit out of control--playing games on FB.  I finally stopped playing Bejeweled Blitz which was a major time suck with no redeeming value and real harm to my right arm from the repetitive motion.  It was hard but I overcame that addiction. Now, however, I spend more and more time on Restaurant City, where I have a chain of restaurants that I check every day.  Recently, they added a coffee bar that you could stock by playing the game and I found myself quite obsessed with making sure all of my restaurants have the necessary ingredients.  Last night, I spent the evening drinking wine and playing Restaurant CIty, only to discover this morning that the "prize" I had worked to get is no where to be found now that I have supposedly achieved it.  I must stop playing this game too although I justify it by telling myself it relaxes me and allows my thoughts to coalesce on other issues.

Restaurant City Delish Level 80

I do not exercise much anymore.  My work day starts early and I no longer have the ability to walk at the beach in the morning before I need to get on conference  calls.  I am also much more fatigued and achy so I use that as an excuse not to exercise.  But I need to exercise, or so all the medical sources say, to hold the cancer at bay.  A dilemma for sure.

I also do not play the piano anymore, partly because of my sore arm and partly because my mother in law is always in the living room watching TV when I have time in the evenings.  I do not watch much TV or movies or listen to music at home.  I choose to listen to books on tape in the car instead of music and rarely spend my free time watching a DVD, even though I work in the motion picture business.  I used to love listening to music and watching filmed entertainment but now it seems like a waste of time.  I wonder why this change in interest?

I think my obsession in how I choose to spend my time stems from the need to learn as much a possible as quickly as possible so that if it is taken away from me, like it has been with my friends who are dying or with those older people in our lives whose memories are not working as well as they once did,  at least I can say I crammed in a lot in those days before the change.  I want to travel.  I want to read.  I want to challenge myself intellectually.  I want to write.  I want to accomplish something in my job that will have an impact.  These goals are simple enough, if only I could stop playing internet games!